her blemishes framed;

Thursday, March 31, 2005

CUPID, DON'T FUCK WITH ME!

today, i feel a notch higher than happy.
that'll make me trigger happy?
NOT SO TRIGGER THOUGH, after i knowingly ditched my diet and exercise today.
yes, i mawkishly gobbled two bars of chocolate down.
who can't resist a bar of golden honeycomb covered in cadbury dairy chocolate milk, and make it TWO bars for that matter.
later on in the evening, i couldn't help but feel guilty for what i ate.
besides being excessively greedy, i was just too slothful and was busy idling around with my happy chocolate bars (:
and for dinner, i downsized to a bowl of soup and that's that.
sidetracking, i'm feeling emotionally confused.
i'll keep this on a silent note.
HAHA and then SIGH.

"i'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where i would impress you."

10:25:00 PM

her point of view;

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

always there to care
would do anything in this world for me
didn't matter, what, when, or where
you were there
i never thought we'd part from the arguments i'd start
when i just wanted to get some attention
well i'm sorry baby for bitchin'

still/ j.lo

3:46:00 PM

her point of view;

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

HOO-EFFING-RAY.
i have found something entirely productive to do inbetween minutes of studying and glueing myself to the telly.
EXERCISE!
if it's not already obvious, then let me remind you, i'm putting on the extras.
SERIOUSLY, WHY THE EFF IS FANFUCKINGTASTIC FOOD ALWAYS INFRONT OF MY EYES.
someone needs to trigger off the visual cortex in my brain.
i wouldn't picture food anymore (:
SO, exercise has become a 5 times in a week promise.
(i very much hope so)
besides the activities, my snacking has to go in an instant.
I WANT 10KG LAYERED FATS SKIMMED OFF ME AS SOON AS SOON GETS.
but for now, it's an hour nap and i'll be up burning.

i need to downright study.
i need to downright study.
i need to downright study.
i need to downright study.
i need to downright study.

4:22:00 PM

her point of view;

Sunday, March 27, 2005

AND I'M SURROUNDED BY A MILLION PEOPLE,
I STILL FEEL ALONE,
LET ME GO HOME.

OH, and did i mention that i've been feeling effing miserable these past few days.
OH, yes i am.
i've been feeling downer than down in the dumps.
WHO AM I TO EFFING TALK TO?

i've got my fling sixties' earrings; i couldn't care less about the damned surroundings (:
RIGHT.

1:02:00 AM

her point of view;

Sunday, March 20, 2005

a saturday evening.
the late night with an early morning at sentosa's pelawan beach.
five girls.
arguements about the red/yellow/blue line?
'spin the bottle' and give endless pecks :*
a lost and found bag of peanuts.
we'll wee at every bush and mark our territory.
godly deafening thai's and non-stop-talking mutts.
eighteen cans of carlsberg and tiger.
ramen noodles and chips and cough mixture-tasting jack daniels.
ko's way damaged sandals led to a long walk on the gravel.
mistaken foot for a seashell.
why not, climb up a tall statue and get stuck on the top of it?
rushinggushingwushing vommit.
a ride out from a stranger and his tamil-speaking girlfriend.
and inbetween were the laughter and the jokes and the stories and the honesty and the games and the drinking and the ugliest sights of everyone.
it's fun, i call it.

do you remember that day when we met
you told me this gets harder
well, it did
been holding on forever
promise me that when i'm gone, you'll kill my enemies
the damage, you've inflicted temporary wounds
i'm coming back from the dead and i'll take you home with me
i'm taking back the life you stole

we never got that far
this helps me to think all through the night
bright lights that won't kill me now, won't tell me how
just you and i, your stareless eyes remain

hip hip hooray for me
you talk to me
but would you kill me in my sleep
lay still like the dead
from the razor to the rosary
we could lose ourselves
and paint these walls in pitchfork red

i will avenge my ghost with every breath i take
i'm coming back from the dead and i'll take you home with me
i'm taking back the life you stole

this hole you put me in
wasn't deep enough and i'm climbing out right now
you're running out of places to hide from me
when you go, just know that i will remember you
if living was the hardest part
we'll then one day be together
and in the end, we'll fall apart
just like the leaves change in color
and then i will be with you
i will be there one last time now

10:42:00 PM

her point of view;

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

right.
to put you'll slightly off, i haven't had a bathe for coming two days.
to be precise it'll be three quarters of a day + a full day, of not touching the shower.

back on track.
no word can describe how you feel when you're at a funeral.
no word can describe how you feel when you're at a crematorium and you're faced with blocks and blocks of the collumbariums.
no word can describe how you feel when you see road signs to different areas; one being 'exhumed remains'
no word can describe when you're at your friends service.
the pain is excruciating and you're feeling just mixed up.

the service was already difficult for me.
worst off, i could feel the mother's/ family's sadness.
two of his closest friends got up to say a few words before the cremation took place.
their words were sweet and veryveryvery touching.
then came the moment; crying.
i teared and i couldn't bear to walk down that stairs to see him for the last time.
i left my flower and walked off.

it was kai's turn to say goodbye.
amazing grace, three packets of tissue, memories and he was gone from behind the wooden door into after-life.
difficult as it is, we're going to have to understand it all.
one way or another, we'll be seeing him in paradise soon.

now for another tormenting situation, i had it ripped off amanda's blog.
(her description is to perfection)

so there we were, in far east, having a thai dinner.
and matt comes up with a game to eat anything we put into a small bowl if you guessed the right number. i (amanda), was the first one to kena,
then himself (matts), then clara.

clara was the most jia lat one.
vijay - dee's bf, had put in, tomyam soup, sweet chili, chili padi and some lemon grass. (i've to add in, it was reallly gross. imagine it all mashed up with the previous food)
we saw her struggle at the very thought of eating all that, so we just let her take a spoon full of the soup.
she looked at the extremly spicy-looking soup for a min or two, then put it in her mouth.
what came after that ladies and gents, should be read with discretion.

she started putting her hand over her mouth, and everything came out onto the plate in front of her.
and i mean EVERYTHING.

snot came out of her nose like a tap.
imagine the thickness of udon, but thicker and it's translucent, and sometimes green.
ooohh . . the horror!!

her puke didn't bother us as much, but the snot . . . OMG, the snot.
she rushed to the toilet and the 4 of us left couldn't stop laughing our asses off! i felt mighty bad later on, so i went to check on her.

amanda: hey clar! You okay?
clara: *sniff* ya.. but i've got chilli up my nose!
amanda: Hahahahahaha...
clara: i've got a spicy nose!
amanda: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

we returned to the restaurant, and clara was curious to see what she barfed out.
she lifted the tissue that dee used to cover the plate 'coz of it's utter grossness, and quickly covered it back.
i needed to see it too, so she lifted the tissue once more, and omg.
the plate looked as if it'd been egg-ed.
her mucas was all over stuck on the tissue and the plate - kinda like egg whites.
it was horrible..

we left the restaurant immediately after we paid - briskly.

there you have it; a bunch of really caring neighbours.
amanda who at least took the few steps to the toilet to check on me AND
dee who grossingly covered the plate but couldn't stop laughing and i swear, i was in total agony AND
vijay who isn't of any help AT ALL since he decided on the ingredients of what's in the bowl (that itself, was horrifying) AND
matts, the suggestor of the game and trust me, you are of total HOPELESSNESS.
all you do is sum up all my embarrassing moments, thankyouverymuch.

and agreeing with amanda, NORMANTON PARKERS just the cherry on top of my cake.

1:17:00 AM

her point of view;

Saturday, March 12, 2005

quoting from matts: "this is a very intense moment."
yet again, i could agreee further.

"clara, kai has passed on already."
i felt emotionless when i had received that very message.
it was when i had just got out of bed and ready to hit the shower.
ready to start a new day, mission day at school and even better, in the afternoon i'd be in the hospital to see him with the normanton park reunion.
but for that very minute, i broke down and mum decided i stay home.

it was refreshing to see him everytime that i was there.
even better to hear that he was improving.
there were moments that were far more then scary and intense.
kai's oxygen and heart pressure levels were changing so rapidly.
but within this week, he was improving and pulling through everyday.
i started to believe in him more; that he'd recover and maybe sentosa soon?

kai lived a fulfilling life.
though short of only nineteen years, i believe he was a far more than happy person.
he'd go out of his way (and trust me it'd be far off) to help someone in need.
kai never took grudges against anyone no matter what.
i do agree and can't deny the fact that at times, i was never tactful of what i said and oftened hit him off with horrible things i said.
but no matter how hurtful i was, he'd put it aside and pretend i never did or say anything.
why'd he do that?
i deserve to get grudged on.

in some way (good or bad), i'm gladd that kai's left his suffering.
he's now in heaven with the lord, looking down upon us and i'm veryveryvery sure he's smiling.
though he isn't physically here with us, he'll always remain in our hearts.
all we have are memories and pictures to remember him. (and a t-shirt)
we love you kai, and you will alwaysalwaysalways be remembered.

you looked peaceful and calm last night, kai.
dressed in white and you wore your sailing cap, holding onto my necklace.
I LOVE YOU.

loving father,
to you the dead do not die and, in death, our lives changed-not ended.
we believe that all that binds us together in love and friendship does not end with death.
hear our prayers for our kaikai who has died.
as you have made us in your image and your likeness and have called us by name,
hold him safely and closely in your love and in your kingdom of light, happiness and peace.
amen.

4:46:00 PM

her point of view;

Friday, March 04, 2005

Lord,
as your friend Lazarus lay ill,
others remarked to you that "the one you love is ill".
people said: "see his love for him."
today, lord jesus, we pray for kaikai because he the one you love is ill.
we ask you to bring your healing and peace to him and his family.
amen.

kai;
i spoke to you but unaware of whether you heard me, i meant my every word.
i very much do believe that no matter how much you can't respond, you can hear me.
you're by far the bravest person i've ever come across.
not only did you have a heart of gold and always forgave readily, you never took grudges.
you constantly made the effort and were always focused.
you never gave up and i admire your willingness to learn.
you were never judgemental though the world is full of talk.
this whole ordeal has made me realise alot and everything.
no, it didn't take this incident to make me realise how much of a friend you are.
i always understood how good a person you are.
no matter how bitter i turned, you never took it to heart.
instead, you would come back and make constant efforts to clear the bitterness.
i respect you for everything.
have faith because all of us do, kai.
you've all of my support and i believe in you.
you're strong and i know for sure that you're going to pull through no matter how tough it's going to get.
you have never let your weaknesses take over you.
please kai, be the strongest.
i bought that card for a reason.
for you to wake up and be able to read it on your own without me doing so.
please, just for my sake.
i have alot to tell you on my part and it's hard telling you when you've no response.
I LOVE YOU KAIKAI.
and no matter what, i'll always remember you; always.

11:32:00 PM

her point of view;